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“What will I get out of this?” vs. “How can I experience this?”


I’m a big fan of questions that really make you think, and if that’s not your cup ‘o tea then you might get back to Instagram because there’s some adorable puppies and talking llamas begging for your attention… Or, if you’re into becoming your BEST, you enjoy learning widely, and thrive on discovering the magic sauce some of the happiest people pour all over their breakfast every single morning…


Well I’m your huckleberry for the next few words.


Two simple questions to consider here…


1) “What will I get outta this?”


We ask it all the time. No surprise there. We want to know how certain things will help us, support our mission, make us interested, make us laugh, make us rich (bitcoin anyone?), etc etc…. And we get so used to asking this question it becomes a routine part of our decision making process.  So when a fresh new opportunity pops up we ask “What will I get out of it?”

A new job offer?  (More pay, less work, more responsibility, a cool stapler?)

A swipe right?  (Hot date, free food, a wild night you saucy minx you?)

A new Netflix show?  (Intense drama, comedic relief, zone out for a bit, sleepier Mondays?)


We seem to always be asking what’s in it for us, and we don’t always see the flip side of this dangerous little question.  What’s the cost of making decisions this way?? When we ask “What will I get?” we immediately set expectations about how this next opportunity may or may not serve us — and that can be a good thing — like if I offered to light your cigarette while you pumped gas.  


Other times it costs you the opportunity itself…


Think of a sweet little kid asking to play for a few minutes… What would you get out of it?  Nothing tangible except hearing a child’s joy, some laughter, and probably a few memories. The decision to play with them came from a different place…


So the alternative #2) question shows up:  “How can I experience this?”


Instead of thinking about what YOU were gonna get out of the last scenario, you may have thought about the experience itself: The joy of making a child laugh, the fun of playing like a kid again, creating a memory with someone you love… Good job.  (That kid loves you by the way!)


Anyway, see how they’re TOTALLY different questions, and how they create a TOTALLY different impact on your decision making process??  So, how can this impact the way you EXPERIENCE situations and life itself?


Here’s an example… People ask me “What will I get?” out of working with a coach.  Fair question; and I’m happy to explain the answer, yet what’s even more fair is considering how the experience can benefit you… If this doesn’t ring any bells consider these examples:  Do people go to a church to walk out with something tangible, or do they go for an experience?  Do we go to the movies for the popcorn? Do we play golf to walk off the course with empty beer cans?  (Don’t answer that one.)


The folks choosing to work with me rarely ask “What will I get?”  Instead, they understand they’re in charge here.  They’re the ones deciding how much they’ll learn, grow, and evolve into the person they really, really want to be…


These folks ask question #2… “How can I experience this?”


They have faith in the process itself, the work they must do to achieve their desired outcome, and even the learning (sometimes unlearning) they must grow through before they hit their target.  And they understand they’ll “get”:


CLARITY:  Coaching helps draw out, expose, and highlight the sensitive nerves around your goals, values, your Whyfire (my term for the burning passion you have for the things most important to you), and your own patterns of behavior around them.  We don’t “give” you all that much other than questions, guidance, new ways of evaluating everything, and genuine help in identifying what’s blocking you from being your best.


DEEP LEARNING:  Ok maybe we give you some knowledge.  Great coaches can even give you a LOT of knowledge, and yet that isn’t exactly how we help people.  (When’s the last time a dictionary created lasting change in someone? And don’t say when Merriam-Webster added “train wreck” to its ranks.)  Knowledge can be awareness, and the best coaches specialize in creating new awareness with you to help you achieve your own next level.  We introduce specific ways to expand your knowledge, turn it into ACTION (<– magic sauce? That’s part of it!), and use this new understanding to create better habits in your thoughts and in your life.


POWERFUL LEADERSHIP:  Changing and evolving ourselves IS a form a leadership.  Coaches cannot “make” you change, grow, or learn — those are choices for YOU to make. Yet the right coaching clients create powerful shifts in their perspective, goals, focus, actions, and inspire results within themselves and from other people too… Doesn’t that look like a fine definition for leadership right there??


RESULTS:  And if clarity, deep learning, powerful leadership, and your Whyfire aren’t enough, let’s talk about the elephant in the room:

The Results.


And if there isn’t an elephant in the room it left a huge empty space where a lot of you were still questioning “Yeah… but what will I GET out of coaching?”


It’s simple:  When it comes to your own results, are you working toward them the best way you know how, orrrr the best way it can be done??


< mic drop here >


Kidding, coaches don’t pretend to have ALL the answers or to know the best way to do EVERYTHING.  However, we (and my clients would throw me into this bunch too) are experts in examining your stories, problems, opportunities, challenges, celebrations, goals, and actions in entirely different perspectives.


If you’ve seen the Matrix, coaches are the kids who say “there is no spoon.”


And if you haven’t seen the Matrix I apologize for the inside joke.  Either way, we help you clearly identify your Whyfire (remember that’s the reason you’re willing to do what it takes to achieve your dream life) and your vision for it all.  Then we help create alignment in your ACTIONS and keep it going CONSISTENTLY so you can truly feel like ANYTHING is possible for you!!


What could YOU achieve if you felt like that?


(Take a moment and chew on that question while the rest of us search YouTube for “there is no spoon”…)


Lastly, we also help clients with that important keyword above:  CONSISTENTLY growing and being held accountable – or “held able” as Susan Scott says.  We help make sure show up as your best and keep it up so you can achieve the results you really, really want.  


I mean think about it, would the entire basketball team show up at 5am for practice if the coaches never showed up?  Would Michael Phelps consistently watch how he cupped his hands in the water if his coach didn’t ding him about it all the time?  Would the world’s finest violinist or opera singer be able to perform at their best without notes and feedback for improvement? Of course not…


You know this already:  The best evolve and grow.  The best transform their skills with improvement.  The best do it consistently.


And the BEST have coaches.


So do you want to be your BEST, or are you still asking “What’s in it for me??”


If you’re fired up, let’s talk and see what’s possible for you next.  Message me in the box below.


And if you move fast enough might still be room in The Phoenix Series group coaching for one more…

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